Finding myself…

It had been 5 years since I started doing Art. This has been a good journey, I told my friend there’s always an up and down period on this way. Starting out doing with whatever ideas that have been hovering around my mind, throwing ideas to pictures on canvases, it’s a period of throwing ideas that stretched into watercolor cards days, I did many cards that can be sold at art market.

After that phrase leads me into a down. I dun know why I was doing that, later realised ok it’s idea throwing period. I have too many ideas from many late nights not answered, I’m basically answering myself. Sorting that out was good.

I went into a second high period, trying to find my style of painting and drawing. Too captured by chinese folk art drawings over the years too, I found mediums that can captured that essence. I work out the style that I can do to match to what I wanted. I think I took over 1 to 2 months just on that, and after this is to put my works into exhibition.

Things really happened to my desire. My artwork was chosen to exhibit in Vancouver. Like a dream came through, I went through a process of painting finish artwork, prepping artwork and packaging it nicely and say Goodbye temporary and the Fedex guy took my artwork away.

Still not done with my signature painting style, I continued onto another piece. This time round for another local exhibit I signed up for. Everyone can get their artwork in and I see this process a very healing phrase for me of setting myself out to accomplish what I wanted to. It’s fulfilling, I love it.

After this phrase, I couldn’t paint any more of this painting style anymore. I remembered I found it too constrictive on my mind, the 2nd piece took a much longer time to finish than the first. Yes though it’s a bigger piece but I think it’s more on a mindset thing. I felt I need to feel relax when doing my art. Though I was able to capture that kind of finished look I yearned for then, I do not really enjoy the creation process. I was too glad when I came to homerun and successfully completed the 2nd pieced up painting.

These 2 paintings are very significant to me. They marked a few things in my art journey: to established a style, allowed me to experience that feeling of work exhibited overseas and local, also to calm me down very much during a period of teenagers growing pain years. These paintings reflected my feelings as a mom of 3 kids. I’m glad I have a space to channel out these feelings.

I moved into another phrase of down again after these 2 accomplishments. Not willing to start another painting of this constructive style, I asked myself what I enjoyed most. It’s sketching. Draw anyhow to get that certain subject out and watercolor paint over. Quick! Almost instant like production when I do sketch unlike a proper painting. I completely love this feeling.

I think from then on, I started buying sketchbooks to document my thoughts. I started from home, then I slowly shift out to the draw at the cafes, I totally enjoy the vibe and stimulation of the surroundings and people, the smell of coffee and tea, I did this part for quite sometimes like at least 6 to 8 months. I got slightly better at doing quick sketches on trains and documenting sights.

As time passes by, I thought, yeah as much as I’m loving these careless sketches, what’s the purpose in it? This phrase sets me to think alot about why i’m doing Art. Art is helpful when someone else is moved by it, is helpful when it sends motivational messages out. I started to think how I can use Art to help people.

Not long later, I decided to set up an exhibition for mothers to participate in. Only for Mom artists. Mainly to release another part of me, remembering that low low time when I see my kids grow up, lots of mixed feelings within that motherhood journey, I feel for stay at home mothers, we are more than staying at home and the need to be at home with kids is because we are answering to conscience calling from within. It’s at least a good 15 years I’ve been raising kids at home. I know how low it can be at times and I want to create a platform for esp stay home moms to stand up so they feel slightly better being appreciated for their talent.

Well, doing this part makes me feels good, super good. Yes use Art to leverage others. It’s into another journey of difficulties finding exhibit locations and inviting artists. Some talented moms back out before registration, some no confidence to see their works being exhibited, and the process of running this exhibition is not an easy flow too. I take this as my tough learning journey.

We should’ve exhibited by now if not for COVID-19. Time passes, I hope all moms are still holding on nicely and hopefully we put on a good show in Mar 2021. COVID comes, destroy life’s and kind of set me back abit.

I’ve held my 3rd FB sketch challenge with FB friends at the beginning of the circuit breaker. It’s the most responsive challenge ever as people are staying at home! I’m happy to hold this challenge to uplift others to feel better staying at home. Art again, I see as a tool to bring some light into people’s life.

Who am I really? I look back at my life. Most jobs that I’ve held are teaching positions. I’ve taught at all levels from childcare to primary schools to secondary schools to private schools to technical levels. Haha, though i’m trained to be a designer by profession, I guess I allowed my conscience to lead most part of my life. I wanna feel good following my heart from within. Sometimes we say we like to do something or who are we but look back at what we’ve done most in our life is the answer.

After the art challenge ends in 14 days, I begin to do home stack sculptures, stacking random found objects from home to become an instant sculpture. It’s a fun process. There’s a yearn in the heart to do it so i did. I did this to entertain myself, to e joy the thrill of stacking high and balancing things. I guess it feeds my soul and helped balanced me. I stopped at 6 trials. Done, enough, finished.

Next, I did some origami pyramid sculptures, those that inspired me through instagram feeds, also compiled my own youtube vids on a trial vlog of my daily life and art. Did 2 of them, so far think it’s a fun process compiling things but I feel they’re just not me, someone to do videos… haha. Anyway the process feeds my soul so ok, i’m happy going through it.

The next thing I see flowing is to challenge myself drawing portraits. I’ve never know how to draw portraits. I did 4 physical ones altogether plus more on online drawing Dada’s program with other artists. It’s fulfilling again, feeds my souls again, I’m happy to go through these.

In that last piece of portrait, I combined paper mache, collage, my gouache painting, line sketches and trash objects into the artwork. Mache and collage is something i’ve always wanted to do but know I could not just use them to be a stand-alone artwork. I knew that is not my kind of art. This last piece of portrait seems to summarise my years of art experiences, combining them into one is Me. I’m thankful to have come to here, at this point, standing, to see how my art evolves.

I guess, my next artwork, I will love to do a big one, will be a combo of these things which I love. When will it be? I dun know. Mostly when I have space for a big studio. What do i do now? That book illustration project is coming. I have a good feeling for nature and touching earth. Not grounded enough. Maybe I need to touch base again.

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